Letting Go

Sometimes you find yourself trying to let go of something…But it’s like, you have been swimming on the ocean for a very very long time… And you feel like you belong there… You are one with the waves… The warmth of the water… And your body moves in sync with the ocean… And you swim around just trying to stay afloat… Then you get tired and you start to drown… And you swim back to land…When you get there you just feel so heavy because you lost touch with gravity for so long… And you collapse on the beach as you try to find balance again… And then your feet finds gravity… You stand up and you look at the horizon one last time… And you just know that no matter how beautiful the sea was… And how good it made you feel… It was never yours to keep… And some days you’ll miss it, you know… And you feel yourself moving with the waves and you dream of diving in… Then you realize your feet was meant for land… And not cut out for the ocean…Maybe you’re meant to climb trees, or hike hills, or just run really fast…Letting go is not easy…There’s nothing quite like swimming in the ocean…Just like how it’s natural for your feet to find gravity…It’s natural for you to let go… And find your true purpose in life again… The sea is the sea… And you are just you… I have to let go… But sometimes I find myself waking up at the beach again…
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Black Bird

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise…

Paul McCartney


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I have learned so much walking my path alone. I have always been a person who trusted easily, in most respects, but the more I travel and see the more cautious I become in regards to other peoples motives and agendas. Not everyone has a kind heart or a giving nature and they take advantage of ones who are open. I still want to believe but now I walk cautiously.  
I understand more and more daily why I keep my circle tight. I’m not afraid to be alone or walk alone in life.


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Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows

but there isn’t any where else I’d rather be than here

listening to the howls of Quincy begging for treats

ūüėā ~Tbe362dd2-8ca0-4e44-bc29-7985127b5b94

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My Companion

My companion, Quincy, is a throw away. To much to handle they said, I don’t have the time or patience to deal with him. Did you know, my son, he looked up to you? He waited on every command you uttered, he adored you unconditionally. He sat with you for hours while you smoked, text and talked, a quiet strength. Did you know how smart he is? He, like you, just wanted someone to love him. He is such a sensitive soul. And you gave him away so I took him.

He is a joyous handful, full of life and love. ¬†He is a big talker and loves to argue with me!! ¬†His biggest joy is playing with other dogs. ¬†He has grown so much through his interactions with them. He is confident and strong. ¬†He isn’t afraid of other dogs or people anymore, he just needed understanding .

His and my relationship started as me being his interim caregiver. To him I wasn’t his alpha I was just a pack member. ¬†What a crazy pair we are.

I advocate for Pitbull type dogs but had never owned one. ¬†When Quincy came into my life it was craziness. ¬†I hadn’t owned a dog in over 10 years let alone one so strong, being an “outcast breed” in society, owning a dog of his stature opened challenges I didn’t completely understand. ¬†Over and over I questioned my own sanity in this choice. ¬†His challenge to me would either make or break me.

I am happy to say today Quincy and I have come to respect and appreciate each other.  One huge hurdle for him was accepting my other furry companion, Butch, my cat.  In the beginning Quincy hated cats and at one point early on had tried to kill Butch, he had him by the neck and I think more his immaturity saved Butch and my quick actions on separating them both.  I was terrified.  Today believe it or not they have come to be friends, peacefully sharing the spaces that were once taboo.  I give a lot of credit to Butch for continuing to be open to Quincy.

Each day is an adventure, we have settled into routine, understanding and respect for each other. I will protect Quincy with everything I have, because not everyone in society is kind to animals. It’s the unexpected challenges which change our world. ¬†You, Quincy, make me a better person. ¬†I love you.


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I’ve pushed so much down

I’m afraid to look deep into it

My head feels heavy with burden

How do I feel if I release it and it explodes

How do I not release it

So much pain no where for it to go

No one to tell it too

No one stays long enough

Tears fall

A slow healing tear


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A twisted sense of life, love, sex, and friendship.  When the heart is broken we lose the way to love in a healthy manner.  My understanding of what it feels like to be a vessel to the broken has made my heart more compassionate but it still hurts.  Knowing you has challenged me to grow more open in mind and heart, to look outside myself. 

When you hurt or have been hurt by someone, the mind, heart continuum engages in a sort of battle, where the mind seeks solace in wanting to hurt back. Then the heart takes over trying to find reason not to.  Call it conditioning from an early age when we didn’t have control over our emotions and reactions. The instinct is to strike back. Learning to be aware of this condition, to just stop engagement, giving yourself time to heal.   It takes practice each and everyday.  Some days we win, some we lose, it’s the cost of being human and not perfect.

I look forward to continuing this journey, to just revel in its pureness.  





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